You know when it comes to this topic most people are in denial about it and as understanding as I am. Helping someone, changing them, shouldn’t be someone else’s responsibility, it leads to damaging yourself in the process so no matter how much you care, don’t. It’s not impossible, but it is impossible to avoid getting hurt. We see it all the time, with all sorts of situations, friends, relationships, and family.

Over the years, society has gone into this mindset, especially for teenagers where we find ourselves thinking “I can fix them”. It’s become a problem and it’s something that needs to be explained thoroughly. It is something hard to take in because depending on the situation 80% of the time it’s us not wanting to let go because we still have “hope”. Everyone has the right to their own opinion but overall can’t deny the damage it’ll cause to the individual and others around you. It is a scary situation when you feel as if it is your fault what happens in the end. Thinking “Oh but if I do this then maybe something bad will happen to that person” but most people don’t realize that you are as much of a human being as them. You hurt, feel, cry, breath, etc. So why are you putting someone else over you? If a person is wired that way already there’s not much you can do, as much as you WANT to. At the end of the day, at your exact height, weight, or style, you are somebody’s dream person, and just because the person you are stuck on doesn’t see you as their dream person, that doesn’t mean other people won’t.

As a human, we all have the tendency to help people even if we get nothing in return, this is called “altruism”. In psychology, “altruism” is the tendency to do an action expecting nothing in return, and although this is a kind act, when is altruism actually bad? After studying altruism further on https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-altruism-2794828 we learn that overall atrium is actually “acting out of concern for the well-being of other people.” This goes to say that if it is not handled correctly and done out of pure kindness, it can lead to people putting themselves in danger to help others. From holding the door for others, to essentially hurting your mental health to help others. Every day involves altruism, and every day you change something about yourself, the way you feel that day, and your actions that day. Pure altruism is the type that leads to situations like this happening. It is the altruism that “involves helping someone else, even when it is risky” which then stems from prosocial behavior. 

Prosocial behavior is characterized by being concerned about someone else’s feelings and what could happen to them, these are actions of comforting, sharing, and of course, helping others. What makes people turn to prosocial behavior and act on it is the fear of change. Although prosocial behavior is used because it might benefit, altruism is a form of this. For example, a person may be afraid to try something new or feel a new feeling because if they accept that then it means that they failed their previous task of helping the other person. No shame in feeling like this because it is understandable, that you care so much for someone, and then from one day to another then is over. Of course, it is sad, you would have to be a really strong person to not feel anything in a situation like this. 

It is simply something you have to be careful about, after interviewing a good friend of mine Calleigh Singson, she states that “your input doesn’t change the outcome, it just has the same result over and over because they simply don’t want to be changed.” Some people like how they are no matter how they are if they don’t fit in, even if their actions are bad for themselves. “Putting someone else before yourself is unhealthy, not only for you but for that person because, at the end of the day, it is not a genuine relationship” Calleigh is right about this, how can it be a genuine human action when half of the time the other person doesn’t feel the same. One of the things that you should always ask yourself in this situation is “would they do the same for me?” Whatever that answer is decides whether or not you should pursue your journey with them.