Society has created a timer for every relationship, like a clock running out of time and you will soon fall out of it. Especially in American culture and the teens, we all came to believe that this was true when in reality the creation of these stages is the reason our generation has struggled way more with relationships, loving, and what it MEANS to love than any other you’ve ever seen or heard of. These “invisible stages” are what is holding you back from something that can last a lifetime and here is the reassurance you need. At the end of the day only you know your own relationship.
In American culture, we have a very specific view of relationships, and usually for high school students, others bet on how long they will last. You’ll hear things like “ I give it 2 weeks” or “3 months and it’s over”. That is not true at all, according to this day’s style, even though the three months are the “honeymoon stage”….By taking things slowly, there’s less risk of making impulsive decisions that you might regret later.”. The first 3 months are usually when partners are just focused on giving love and showing love, but what happens after depends on how you control your own relationship. Many relationships especially teen ones, argue that it is the “arguing stage” when three months hit, but is that normal and healthy? Well yes and no.
After interviewing my best friend, Melani Boatright, “It just sounds like an excuse” and honestly I’d have to agree with that. Many people repeatedly have toxic relationships and they are drawn to having them because of the toxic behavior they have. These are the same people that make up these terms, an “escape from their actions”, Melani says. After talking to her about this, she brought up an excellent point that I think explains this “rule” wonderfully, that being “if someone wanted to break up, they would start random fights over and over and blame it on the 3-month rule”, just another example of toxic behavior creating a toxic relationship. That is an amazing point, this “rule” has given people a chance to cover up their behavior and their mistakes all blaming it on an imaginary “rule”.
Other rules like “1-year rule”, “6-month rule”, and even rules about WEEKS. They are just simply not true, they aren’t real. Now, it is very real that at one point you might start to feel a loss of your spark in the relationship, but that is where YOU take action and you have to decide if this is worth saving for you or not.
Frank Bernard Dicksee, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
The Breaks
Against
Breaks are something that people are for, or against. Breaks can be seen as a relationship saver or an excuse, in which case I think they are an excuse. If there is a reason for a break, there’s a reason to break up. Of course, I had to interview Melani again, and when she said “I think they’re just objectively bad for a relationship”, I agreed. By going on a break you are just creating more distance, just to decide if being away from someone will make you like them more. Melani also compared this to Rachel and Ross from friends saying if they had just broken up, he would have been with someone else and wouldn’t have hurt her as badly. This means that a lot of the time breaks are keeping too unhappy people connected when in reality they are just no longer compatible yes it is painful but nothing will be more painful than watching you lose your own spark over something that faded long before. “ You don’t put your emotions on vacation for one month and then resume the relationship”.
For
Breaks though have had a lot of improvement with other relationships. So Patricia Ramirez has brought a new point of view up to us saying, “I believe in breaks but not for a long period of time” saying if you need space it is understandable but what people get confused with and why people are against them is that they see it as an opportunity to talk to someone else or experiment other things to make sure the person is the one more them. Therefore breaks should only last a week or even less when you are trying to process your thoughts out. So according to Betterhelp,
“Even healthy relationships take work … .A break can be helpful if you or your partner needs time to work on personal matters”, I think this is a good point, it is up to you and your partner on what is the next step.
At the end of the day, every couple is different. If you really love each other, no amount of time can change that, and no break can fix it if it’s already broken.
