“Hurt people hurt people”, I’m sure we’ve all heard that saying once or twice before. The only thing we wonder is, is it true? Broken glass or vases, anything that breaks can unintentionally hurt someone. The same thing goes for hurt or “broken” people. They hurt people without meaning to. Unresolved pain or trauma can lead individuals to lash out, be insensitive, or have harmful behaviors toward others, so in the end, it’s just a cycle of hurt. Understanding this concept reminds us to approach people with empathy, recognizing that their hurtful actions may stem from their unresolved pain.
When someone has been hurt in the past, whether it be through abuse, neglect, or any other form of trauma, it can deeply impact their emotional well-being. Many studies and articles support this statement. According to The Pain Cycle: Understanding the Principle of ‘Hurt People Hurt People’ | Grouport Journal, “individuals who have experienced pain, trauma, or harm are more likely to inflict hurt on others”. People who have had a traumatic past hurt people for multiple reasons like defense mechanisms, unresolved trauma/emotions, lack of coping skills, or trouble with empathy because they never got it, there are tons of reasonable explanations. Although they are not excusable, they are reasonable.
Continuing what I previously said there are many reasons why people hurt others. An article that I read, Hurt People Hurt People used many great examples and explained them. My favorite explanation was number 2, where the author talked about how we defend ourselves from pain through defiance. “People who protect themselves through defiance reject their neediness of others with, “I will not be in need.” When you have been hurt, you don’t want to be hurt again. So you don’t let yourself even get the chance of being hurt. You pretend like you don’t need anyone and don’t let anyone get close to you because you’re afraid they’re gonna make you feel worse than you did before. We may shut people off as a defense mechanism to protect ourselves from experiencing further emotional pain.
Another article I was reading, Opinion: Hurt people hurt people, and that destroys us. – The Utah Statesman talks about how when we hurt people we also hurt ourselves. “We are imperfect, so we hurt each other. Because we aren’t made to hurt, doing so destroys us.” I think this is another big part of the saying “hurt people hurt people” because I do think that we hurt ourselves in the process of hurting others we care about. We’re afraid to damage our relationships/friendships in the process and the guilt hurts us. Hurting others can lead to feelings of guilt and remorse. These emotions can weigh heavily on our conscience, causing distress and impacting our mental health as well as theirs.
Although the saying is hurt people hurt people, it doesn’t have to always be that way. There are always ways to prevent hurting others even when you’ve been hurt. Healing is a big part of preventing this. Just because you’ve been hurt by one person doesn’t mean you’re going to be hurt by everyone or that you need to hurt them first. Healing in relationships is essential for preventing further harm to others by rebuilding trust, having good communication, resolving conflicts, setting healthy boundaries, showing empathy and forgiveness, breaking harmful patterns, and self-care for personal growth. When something is done to you that doesn’t mean you have to do it back. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Overall, yes, hurt people hurt people but that can always change. Grow and heal in every way you can so you don’t hurt others or yourself.